The Blessed
by beastlycharizard13
Summary: After finding a place in town where restless offline entities can wander, Cartman makes an unlikely companion in the form of Heidi Turner. Set after the new episode "The Da***d. Spoilers for those who haven't seen it yet. Not part of RFSP.


The Blessed

 **A/N: I guess Trey and Matt have a knack now for having beautiful 3** **rd** **episodes huh?**

" **The Cissy", "The City Part Of Town", and "The Damned"…all very well put together episodes in my humble opinion. Although my 2** **nd** **choice for a Season 19 Emmy, "You're Not Yelping" wound up getting nominated, the other one still has one hell of a charm. Overall, while "The Damned" may not have been as awesome as "The City Part Of Town", it still had a very exquisite charm to it, albeit with a darker tone.**

 **And I'm sure we can ALL agree…this episode was a pure treat for any Heidman (Heidi x Cartman) fans out there. Me? No, I don't particularly pay attention to Heidman (Candy FTW!), but I can see it working very well if it's going to be canon now.**

 **Lastly, why do Matt and Trey insist on shunning Kenny? For one thing, Kenny wasn't helping to break Cartman's stuff in "Skank Hunt", correct? And in this episode, PC Principal referred to Stan, Kyle, Butters, and Token, of all people, as the ones that are around him the most. Since when does Token hang out with Cartman more than Kenny?**

 **You know the drill by now I'm sure…I don't own no South Park nor no North Park, and this does not go along with my RFSP series.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

" _This…might work."_

This was the thought running through the young minds of Eric Cartman and Heidi Turner. Nobody could have ever imagined them sitting together, let alone making friendly conversation with each other, since the egg project they had done long, long before that moment.

And now, in some odd unforeseen way, they had been brought together. Two kids, practically strangers to each other, brought up from the recent ashes of their lives, like a diamond in the roughest rough imaginable, like a rose growing on the sharpest thorn in the entire sticker brush, and like the zero-calorie sweetener mixed in with the unsweetest tea available. Nobody could have seen a budding friendship like this developing…especially not them.

Their blooming friendship had developed from a sad and painful turn of events and had brought them together in a special place filled with people that were, in a way, just like them. No longer called "the park", it had since been known as a walking place, a resting place for "the damned".

It was in this place, a place for those who had quit Twitter for one reason or another, that the girl had convinced the rotund child to enter the haven. It was only after the fact, that the two were able to make meaningful conversation together, later resulting in the two children adjourning to McDonalds for further discussion.

"So if girls don't have any balls, what exactly occupies that space down there?" Cartman asked while dipping a chicken nugget in an excessive amount of barbecue sauce. "What's behind a woman's bush?"

"Nothing." Heidi answered after sipping her drink. "Not anything that's present on the outside anyway."

"So what, is it invisible?"

Heidi giggled. "No silly, it's behind the skin. It's inside of us, and they're called ovaries."

Cartman sported a confused look on his face, showing that "ovaries" was a new word for him.

"Didn't you learn that in sex education?"

"Pfft, Mr. Mackey didn't teach us shit. Like Chef said that same day, he probably doesn't know a hymen from a hysterectomy…whatever the fuck that stuff is anyway."

The two sat in silence for a few moments more until Cartman spoke up.

"How many others do you think will suffer?"

"Excuse me?" Heidi asked.

"How many more will turn out like us, do you think? Harassed, trolled, and made fun of, until they can't take it anymore. Everyone else thought I was the SkankHunt42, but it's clear now that whoever it is, they have a heart that is even blacker than mine own."

"Indeed, this attention-seeking entity is a force to be reckoned with…but he never went after you. What did happen to you? Typically, one does not just quit Twitter and leave it at that."

Cartman sighed with a look of unresolved tension and anxiety on his face, as the dark memories came flooding back all too soon….

* * *

" _So Stan, what's the Wi-Fi password here?"_

" _There...isn't one. There is no connection out here."_

" _What do you…wait, what the hell…OH MY GOD, what are you guys doing!?"_

" _We have no other choice Cartman. This has to be done."_

" _No, please! This is like, two Christmas' and a birthday's worth of stuff!"_

" _We had hoped it wouldn't have to come to this, but you leave us no choice. You brought this on yourself."_

" _No…no…NOOOO! Stop, you guys! Please! NOOOO!"_

* * *

"NOOOOOOOO!" Cartman yelled out to nobody in particular, earning him several stares and glances from everyone else in the building.

"Uh…*cough*…sorry, my uh…favorite team just lost."

Everyone that stared had been convinced by the quick cover-up and went back to their business. Heidi, however, was left with questions.

"What was that all about? Does something trouble you?" She asked with legitimate concern.

"It's…nothing. Really, it's nothing you really need to know."

Heidi objected by placing her hand on his. "No, please Cartman…tell me. You can trust me. What happened to you that made you scream?"

Cartman sighed and told her the truth. The truth about how he had been "murdered" and not a "suicide victim".

"…And that's when they proceeded to break all my stuff. All my shit Heidi! It's gone now. They killed all of it. I didn't quit Twitter…the world quit for me."

"Oh my God…Cartman I…I can't imagine how you feel."

Cartman sighed heavily. "I just how many of the others have realized…that I'm not the troll. I've been falsely accused Heidi…we've both been forced off of the Triple W one way or another…what will become of us?"

"I don't know." Heidi answered as she touched her hand to his. "But it can't be too bad as long as we have each other, right?"

"Yeah…do we?"

Heidi smiled. "We do, Cartman. We do."

"Kick-ass."

* * *

 **A/N: Yeah, sorry again for the wait. Am I just getting lazy, or am I really having a hard time with these one-shots based on the episodes?**

 **Anyways, theory update: The member berries are no doubt being used to control/manipulate the town in some way. Before episode 2010, that'll probably be the only fruit any farm is selling.**

 **Stan and Wendy will get back together, but probably not until the very end of the season. And while I do see Heidman working as official cannon, I GUARANTEE you that they'll break up by the end of the season.**

 **So that's where my theories currently stand. I'd love to hear all of your thoughts as well, so leave a review if you'd like!**

 **Well, there's no new episode this week, so I'll see you guys later, if not sooner!**


End file.
